Bell tolls for old guard as young newcomer takes it to the Max
Report by Jonathan Rallings
After many years of knocking on the door, the swell of the D.I.C.K. Academy system finally saw a graduate take their first ever title, as 17 year-old Max Bell became the youngest ever winner of the competition in its 22nd iteration. On another balmy October day, 17 participants put aside their concerns about encroaching climate change, and focused on the more important issue of nut-bursting action. And what action they saw.
The games got underway with the one required qualifier pitting former quarter-finalists Becky Harris and Toby Baranowski-Bishop against each other for the first time. Harris, who had previously won the Short D.I.C.K. award in 2023, was again thwarted in her quest for satisfaction at the first hurdle as Baranowski-Bishop bashed his nut too hard for her. Harris left the competition with probably the shortest D.I.C.K. prize of all time after now winning it for a second time in just three years.
The first round began with two of the new ‘academy-bred’ generation, Harris’s daughter Florence against Josh Spooner entering his first ‘Dulwich’ (as aficionados of the original South East London conkers brand now emphasise, to distinguish it from more downmarket upstart copycat competitions that have sprung up in recent years). Spooner looked to be a natural hard hitter as Florence floundered initially, but as the match progressed Harris grew steadily into her stride before finally winning with a smashing knockout. This early show of youthful prowess was to set the tone for the 2026 competition and show how a new professionalisation is driving the younger generation. As one member of the crowd remarked – “these days it’s all very ‘Graham Potter’ – data-driven – working with the young ones”.
Next up reigning D.I.C.K. king Ralfe Rallings, who last year snagged an unlikely first title rather than an early exit from the nut-ring, faced up to Scottish veteran Damian Martin making the trip down south for the first time in nine years. Rather as Scottish football has increasingly become vastly outpaced by its English equivalent, Martin was tamer than expected in his approach, and Rallings took full advantage surging to an early knockout blow. It later transpired that Martin had been suffering from a nasty stomach bug after a long Flixbus from Aberdeen overnight, but gallantly played on and insisted with full Scotch vigour that he made no excuses for the performance which had been below his expectations.
With an unprecedented dearth of any overtime matches this year so far, up stepped the queen of the long game, ever-present D.I.C.K. player Amy Hoy, to meet debutant Max Bell. And, indeed, Hoy went the distance as usual. However, this was no cagey hang-on. Both players showed some grit and enterprise, sensing that this year’s conkers were of perfect constituency for bashing, prone to bursting perfectly at the correct moment – possibly a fringe benefit of the exceptionally warm summer this year. Bell wrestled victory 4-3 from an almightily tense ‘9 each’, and 2020 champ Hoy departed early perhaps a little unluckily, particularly as at that stage no-one realised that the youngster would never look as close to crashing out from that point forward.
Owen Lewis, whose last D.I.C.K. in 2024 had ended with him in runner-up spot, then took on Fred Hoy. Former podium finisher Hoy had a poor day snagging twice early on and letting Lewis dominate him, climaxing in a crushing hit. Debutant Freddie Forward then had to take a step back, having the misfortune to meet bookies’ favourite Kon Bishop so early in the tournament. Forward started fast, but after suffering some damage through his swinging, ‘the Bishop’ was unrepentant in delivering the killer blow.
Next, Seb Kohon, competing in his sixth D.I.C.K., came up against newcomer Ian Barber – a serious experienced contender from a different league a short way across the city. Barber showed such early class in this game that the odds on him becoming a surprise tournament winner started to tumble as he powered through, barely troubled by an unconvincing Kohon who has consistently struggled to replicate his youthful promise in the noughties since returning to the sport this decade.
There are few more experienced than Australian Brooke-O Lumicisi. The two-time champion and six-time podium star (an all-time record) stepped forward to face self-styled ‘bad girl’ Sarah Gardner former Dastardly D.I.C.K. holder and the lady even Ralfe ‘Snagger’ Rallings had once called “dirty”. What was served up was one of D.I.C.K.’s all-time greats. The match started with Gardner typically trying to ‘short-string’ the referees and scoring a couple of early snags to put her on the ropes. But perhaps the calibre of opponent forced her to raise her game and despite the ‘thunder from down under’ alighting on her crack that had emerged mid-way, Gardner held on to force overtime and then at a mighty 6-6 into sudden death where another round saw them level at 8-8 before Brooke-O just edged it 2up&1. It was a fantastic advertisement for the game and despite Gardner securing the Dastardly D.I.C.K. award for her early spoiling efforts, she should be commended for putting that part of her game behind her and showing how well – and fairly – she can compete when she puts her mind to it.
In the final match of the round Toby Baranowski-Bishop returned to face Steve Hoy, but it was not to be for the young man as he exploded his own nut early, to put the ‘elder statesman of conkers’ comfortably through to the next round.
In the quarter finals Ralfe Rallings came up against Max Bell. Both players swung hard and fast as Bell appeared to find his groove. With both nuts sustaining damage the newcomer persistently smashed hard and, after desperately hanging on with a re-string, Rallings was eventually dispatched comfortably. It was a shame for Rallings denying him the hoped for ‘three-peat’ following his victories in last year’s tournament as well as the previous week’s excursion to Budapest to compete in the Hungary Away Random Draw Dulwich International Conker Knockout (H.A.R.D.D.I.C.K.). Owen Lewis then faced Kon Bishop in a high-calibre match which ended badly for Lewis as he exploded his nut all over the pub garden.
The third quarter-final saw Brooke-O Lumicisi return to face Ian Barber, who was widely expected to progress after his stunning debut in round 1. However, with both players needing to hang on ‘til the semis with damaged nuts, it became a case of who would crack first. In the event Barber, who seemed to suffer the worst of the damage in a hard-fought match, managed to cling on into overtime, but it was Lumicisi who eventually prevailed with a devastating knockout even while going six shots up to put her on the brink of victory anyway.
Finally, the round closed out with Steve Hoy meeting Florence Harris. The veteran Hoy – who has played in all 22 D.I.C.K. occasions – looked to be floundering against the impressive young Harris, but eventually his experience allowed him the one good hit he needed to take him through.
After a short break Hoy returned to the arena for his semi-final against the young pretender, Bell. It was to be a fateful game for Hoy though, as an early devastating overswing saw his nut crash into his groin forcing the suspension of the match. A game Hoy returned to the ring but something had shifted psychologically and perhaps his fears of exacerbating what looked to be a fairly serious injury had affected his accuracy or commitment. Eventually a wayward win saw him explode his own nut, but as Hoy saw it his only bad decision was in not exchanging his conker as the rules permit before this tie. He was, however, quick to acknowledge the talent of his opponent who he predicted had “a great future in our great game”
Brooke-O Lumicisi then stepped forth to face Konrad Bishop in a clash of two of the biggest names in the game. However, with both players having opted for new conkers, they experienced contrasting fortunes as Lumicisi danced around singing “Solid as a rock” holding up her conker, after Bishop exploded shortly into the tie to send the Aussie into a record sixth final, as well as offering her a chance to join the pantheon of all-time greats to have won three D.I.C.K. championships, a feat only previously achieved by Glen Whitehead and Pete Campion-Spall.
First, though, Bishop stepped up again to meet Steve Hoy in the third-place playoff where lightning struck twice for the forlorn 2023 Champion who burst his own nut for the second time in five minutes to hand Hoy his first podium finish since 2020 (when – to be fair – there were only four entrants anyway).
So to the final, where Bell surprised everyone with a consummate performance taking an early chunk out of Lumicisi’s now not-so-solid conker to put him on the front foot. Despite a snag apiece creating a little drama, Bell never looked back and delivered the knockout blow to put a new name on the Matteo Robinson trophy.
It is perhaps fateful that in his four matches, Bell faced the four players who have been into the most D.I.C.K.s across its history. It was if needed, just one more sign of him ringing in the changes in a big way this year.
2026 D.I.C.K. Results
- 1st: Max Bell
- 2nd: Brooke Lumicisi
- 3rd: Steve Hoy
- Short D.I.C.K.: Becky Harris
- Dastardly D.I.C.K.: Sarah Gardner
Gallery
